In light of everything going on in Indiana and the various bits of legislation floating around states I thought it time to do another Ask Me Anything
You may ask me *any* question about *me* being Trans or in general about LGBTQ. No Question is Taboo. There are plenty of sites that discuss “What not to ask someone who is trans” and for this you may ignore those. I know that for some people the questions are very personal, very private, and often can be something they are not comfortable being asked or answering – especially publically. I respect those people and their feelings on the matter.
I believe if I can answer people’s questions I can end a little ignorance in the world and hopefully make it an easier place for someone like me. someone who doesn’t have the awesome coworkers, employer, and friends that support them. I can maybe make it easier for people to understand why some laws can hurt and some places are dangerous for us.
- Any question may be asked.
- If you don’t want to ask in a public forum you may contact me privately. I will post the question, but not indicate who asked it. Some people want anonymity.
- All answers will be from Jessica’s point of view. I do not claim to speak for the trans community. I can only speak to my experience.
- Questions around Faith/Religion/Etc will be answered to the best of my ability.
- Questions on Law, Facts, Figures. I am not a lawyer, but I am a data-hound. I will fact check myself before quoting stats and give references. If I misquote. Call me on it. I will make apologies and edits as needed.
- If I can’t answer a question or do not feel comfortable answering a question due to lack of experience in an area (Gender fluidity, Aces, etc) I will say so. Respect that I am respecting those individuals and groups.
How to reach me:
- Facebook – PM me or post to the wall as a reply to this post.
- Jessica Darke
- A reply to this post on AmusedintheDark.com
When will I answer?
Probably this weekend if I get enough questions. It’s a lil insane at work, but this is important to me.
Jess! I love you. You know it. 🙂
I have one question-and mostly it is to know how to use my super-human match making abilities, so please take this question in the tone I mean….are you attracted to guys, girls, or does it matter?
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Good one. 🙂
First – thank you. You’ve helped me think more deeply about a topic about which I am relatively ignorant. I love it!
And since I only have my own direct experience to which to compare new concepts, I try to experience new ideas internally, as in “I wonder what it feels like to face the public restroom issue?” or “I wonder how hard it would be to shop for the opposite gender’s clothes?” And most of the time I feel like I can at least get an empathic glimpse, admittedly through a very small and probably distorted keyhole.
But the stumper for me is when I try to answer the question, “I wonder what it feels like to really need to be a different gender?” — kind of the starting question.
Here’s where I have the blockage. I’m female. In my free time, most of the things I like to do are more stereotypically male activities. And I don’t spend time on hair, makeup, and so on. But I’m fairly feminine physically and never had internal questions about identifying as such.
But I also don’t know if I woke up tomorrow as a physical male (leaving out the incredibly awkward relationship issues that would result), whether anything of importance would really change. I might have different clothing options open to me, and I imagine that society would pressure me into modifying how I express myself….but I’d have the same job, do the same fun things, and be the same person. I think. I may just be missing something incredibly important, but it really seems like (again, relationship issues aside) it kind of wouldn’t matter. So it’s really hard for me to internalize that starting question – “what does it feel like to be X and really need to be Y?”
Can you help me understand?
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Good questions, can’t wait to reply to them!
Agreed with other posters. Thank you, Jess for ending a bit of ignorance in me as well as others. You’ve helped me think differently about what it means to be LGBT, and how i would want to be treated were I to go through something similar. I recognize I’m missing a lot of the actual experience as I’m relating things experience in my head, but you got me to try to do so, which is a huge step in the right direction.
That being said, I’ve come into a niece recently, as I told you before. She’s in Oregon, so I don’t get to directly interact with her save through social media, which is not the most personal interaction. I was wondering, what have friends that live in different cities/states done for you in support that you’ve been most appreciative of? A general overview would be helpful; though if you could cite specific examples, even better.
Social media interactions are at once both challenging and some of the most rewarding. This will be an interesting one to answer.
HI! im Will’s transgender (mtf) niece. i saw that he shared this, and it sparked my interest, and i can say i’m glad i clicked here.
So here’s my question. At what point did you change bathrooms? or would suggest changing bathrooms? this is an issue I’ve been trying to figure out, and i’m just not sure. and your thoughts and input would be greatly appreciated!
Finally, i think your amazing and extremely courageous for putting yourself out there like this, and i think it’s awesome! i will definitely be checking out some other posts you have made.
Ashley, happy to meet you! I look forward to answering this one. You may want to check out the last AMA if you haven’t already. https://amusedinthedark.com/2014/10/09/ask-me-anything-round1/
I am extending the Question period a few more days. These are good questions that I have gotten privately and publically but I want the option to be able to address more 🙂